:: TO BE LOVE EQUALLY IS TO BE LOVED LESS
"To be loved uniquely - for one's own special self - is to be loved as much as we need to be loved." p.72
Today's pearl comes from Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish and it was one of the messages from that book that has really stuck with me. Charlie isn't old enough to ask me yet who I love more, but when he is, I hope I remember not to say that I love them both the same. I hope I remember to tell him that they are both special to me but that no one is just like him.
Today: I gave Charlie a whack on the arm for getting Mia in the head with the broom. So dumb. Trying to teach him that hurting others is wrong by hurting him. Thinking and writing about this topic every day I am seeing that Charlie is needing more attention. He keeps wanting up, but how am I supposed to do that when I'm already holding Mia, or trying to do something? I need to figure out how to do that while also looking after Mia and trying to get on top of the housework. I hope he isn't feeling that I love Mia more because she's a baby and her needs seem to come first.
I should add nagging to my list of triggers. Some days I feel like a bit of a martyr... "Yes, I will get you some cheese... I said I would get you some cheese, just hang on a second... Charlie, I will get you some cheese, give me a minute... I just need to finish xyz... Sweetheart, please!... I said I would get you some, but you need to wait... blah, blah, blah" keeping my cool when I just want to scream "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!!
I get to the end of the day, I'm putting them to bed and I feed Mia to sleep (hopefully) and Charlie is often asleep himself by the time I'm finished with her. So Mia is dealt with and it is then that I wish I could have some time cuddling with Charlie, but it is too late. I realise then that I miss it because I haven't done it all day, and I miss those connecting times with my little boy. Feels like I'm just 'dealing' with him from the moment we get up some days.
Anyway, something to think about. I need to get more efficient so I have more time for Charlie! Or something like that. Or I just need to wait till he's a little bit older and has more understanding.