Sunday, October 6, 2013

Day 6: Tantrums


"...crying is often considered to be an unnecessary by-product of stress, and many people have the incorrect impression that children would feel better if they would only stop crying. This is incorrect. No matter what the source of stress, children will not feel better until they have been allowed to cry and rage as much as needed." p.12

This pearl comes from another book by Aletha J. Solter Tears and Tantrums: what to do when babies and children cry.

This book has been so helpful in reducing my stress the second time round with a new baby. It helped me accept Mia's crying with out the need to feel like I need to fix it/stop her crying. I couldn't do it with Charlie when he was a baby because I thought that if I had met all his needs he wouldn't need to cry. I can do it now. Now I would rather hold Charlie while he cries, than try and get him to stop.

It isn't always convenient to listen to our children's strong feelings, and to other people it appears your child is being a super brat, but we don't tell other people that are crying or upset to stop crying, to not feel what they are feeling. I want Charlie and Mia to know that I can handle whatever emotional state of theirs they need me handle. That they are safe with me no matter how they are feeling or what they need to express.

Today: We had an early morning meltdown from Charlie to practice a little holding while he cried. And then we spent 3 hours in the car driving to a family reunion. While we were there I got the urge to grab him by the shoulder and squeeze too hard after he wouldn't stop head butting me again. I also felt like I could have easily screamed at him when he hooked his fingers in my hoop earring while I was holding him at the reunion and he yanked it painfully out of my ear. Tomorrow I might write a list of my triggers that send me over the edge to wanting to lose my shit, when he physically hurts me is one. It might help me be more aware when my buttons are getting pushed.


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